Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
