Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
