just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
