I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
