If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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