I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
