I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
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Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...