did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
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He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
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Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.