the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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