no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
