Can i not drive my cunt home
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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