awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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