me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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