You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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