woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I still have a little drunk in my system
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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