I hope mine doesn't look like that
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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