Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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