but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.