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woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
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