I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
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I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
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i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.