Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager