Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize