Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize