I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize