Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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