i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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