I wish you could order shots online.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences In Dating Men And Women
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah