end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I think I just sharted jello shots
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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