Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
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It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
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Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.