Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
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I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
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So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background