shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.