Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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