Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.