I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
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