It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
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I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
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I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship