hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.