I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
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Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.