my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
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i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
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I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas