I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
