Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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