The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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