my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
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you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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