What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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