Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
