I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
