you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
