I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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