am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
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I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
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Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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