"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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