My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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