Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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