When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
