Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
where does the pee come out of this thing
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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