I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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