I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
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I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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