see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
