Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.