We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
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Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
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I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.