So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
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you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
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Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night