Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.