I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
it's great music for shaving your balls
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law