Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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