i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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