on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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