I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.