First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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