well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I got copblocked.
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.