dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
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So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
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It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?