I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.